happy happy joy joy

Things right now seem to be going SO well I can hardly believe it. I almost feel guilty for being so happy because there are many people I know who are far from feeling happy. I feel like I'm on cloud nine and could do anything right now. I will be going back to school eventually and maybe I can really look into psychology some more. Plus, I am eating some absolutely FABULOUS cheesecake right now.
I went to Lake Powell last week with Tammi Tinkle and it was so fun. I now understand why she has the name. She drove my car because I really don't enjoy driving a whole lot. We almost died a few times, but thanks to Tammi's quick actions and cat like reflexes, we were safe. Plus we prayed and that always helps. When you spend that much time alone with someone its interesting to see their true character. ;) Like how people handle high stress situations. It's not like it was much of anything new to me, seeing as I DID live with the girl for awhile. Nevertheless, it's funny when people gain a new vocabulary you didn't realize they used before. haha I don't really have much to say but someone suggested I update my blog. So this is me, updating. Anyone know how to fix a back when its out? My back is killing me!

Wrestling

DO YOU RECOGNIZE THESE PEOPLE?

I only see 2 reasons to ever wrestle with someone. 1.) To prove you are tougher than them 2.) To have a reason for physical contact with someone without being... ya know.

Other than that, I think its ridiculous. Just looks at these guys in their oufits. Who in the right mind that is straight would wear something like that? Also, I have no desire to watch two big sweaty steriod pumped guys throw eachother around and pretend to get hurt so that the little bikini girl can walk around holding up the sign that says ROUND 17 just in case people lose track because heaven knows they can't put it on a screen or scoreboard of some sort. Ok, so maybe I wish I could look like the bikini girl. If I did, I certainly wouldn't be prancing around in high heels and scraps of cloth in front of a large group of blood thirsty heathens. Instead, I would probably go... um... get my nails done? I doubt it. How you can you rock climbing with nails? I Think I'm staring to wander from the subject. Anyway, I thought this picture was a tad bit humorous. Hope they don't mind that I post it. :)

When I go to parties, i like to give people the thumbs up.

but I have to practice. As it is with all things... Well quite frankly I don't want to practice patience with idiotic people who don't know how to listen to the same thing all 8 TIMES! Its one thing if I am not speaking loud enough. Its another if they think they can bully me into saying something else just so they can test, even though I have no control over it. The only nice thing about remaing calm and smiling while they are getting worked up is that it makes them even more angry. ha.

In other news, I have heard some great news from a friend who's been drowning in life and that makes me very happy. Even though all I can do is sit back and watch helplessly from the sideline, I'd like to think cheering (and praying) does make a difference.

Hmm... what else. oh- I'm excited that someone who is a friend of mine (and probably yours) doesn't hate me. Although they probably don't like that I am dating their friend for the simple reason that I tag along with things THEY would like to do, they still talk to me and allow me to go to their house and watch movies. Regardless of the fact that I fall asleep everytime. Its a great place, that house. Always clean. Even the carpet. I should take lessons from this person and try to apply it to my own house. Well- the house that I live in that is. So this was a whole lot of nothin. I was mostly trying to test to see if I can post regular size pictures on here or not. Welp... back to work. Anyone doing anything fun this weekend?

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dating

How ridiculous is it that if you feel as though you shouldn't date someone anymore, you have to have a REASON for not feeling you should date that person? Ok, so maybe its not too far out there. I usually want to know the reasons why people don't want to date me, but I can usually figure them out, based on the reasons I'VE broken up with people before. Well I have something to say dang it! I have never broken up with someone for the sole reason that I met someone else whom I decided I would rather be with while I was still with the one person. Nor have I ever broken up with someone for someone else's "sweet ride", cash flow, looks, living location, etc. The main reasons I have ever broken up with anyone is primarily because of something feeling wrong about the situation. I don't usually figure out the reasons things were wrong until years later. I'm slow, I know. I get attached to certain people way to easily and believe or not, I want to still be their friend and be supportive of them, but when they go and say nonsense stuff about my motivation for moving on... well well well my friends... thats just no good. Dating is a bit of an annoying thing. I don't WANT to date so that I don't have to deal with heartache when it all ends, yet I don't want to be alone either. Its a bit of a lose - lose situation. Sometimes I wonder if arranged marriages are really that bad of an idea. You can always GROW to love someone if you have to spend the rest of your life and beyond with them, right?

Friends

Have you ever known someone that you think is totally rad but who is dealing with things you have never in your life gone through, making it impossible to know what to do for them? Well, I have a few friends that are dealing with things and I feel terrible because there's really not a lot I can do about it. Life seems to just keep beating them down, despite their efforts to stay afloat. As a friend you try to tell them to just say "Screw you and everyone else that makes things so difficult!?!" but that only solves so much. And really, if you say that to people in higher positions than you at work, I really don't feel that would help with promotions. So ya. I guess you can only do what you can do for them. Its their life. They get to deal with it the way they choose. If they don't want me to beat anyone up, I won't. They all know the offer is out there though. Just for the record, I'm MUCH tougher than I look. Even for people OUTside of my toughness catagory. The picture proves it.

Secrets

I would consider myself a fairly secretive person. The older I've gotten the less I try to hide things. I have been trying to be PROUD of who I am, not ashamed. The more I learn about churchy stuff, the more able I am to put things in perspective. So thats neat-o. Well... I feel this is as good a place as any to share a secret that some may already know. People have asked about the scars on my arms. It is incredibly embarrassing, but looking back, I was simply trying to deal with the circumstances at hand. Many don't know of my upbringing so few would really understand the reasoning behind any of it, but what I'm getting at is well if you go to this website it explains it some. I don't agree with all of it, but some if it is pretty acurate. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html
Anyway, This is not something I enjoy discussing, but I am trying to free myself from secrets until I have nothing to lie or hide from. It just eats at you. Granted, some things really don't need to be shared ever, but most things- well, most things aren't as big as we make them out to be.

Sleeeep

AHhhh... A refreshing new day interrupted by a phone call from the lobby telling me people are waiting to test and the outdoors filled with smoke left over from the St George fires.... LOVE IT! Apparently I turned my alarm off and went back to sleep. I was 30 minutes late. I had leftover make-up on from yesterday, but most of it had come off of one eye, so my eyes were sort of lop-sided looking. I run downstairs and find the candidates waiting outside the door. All of which seemed to be glaring. I apologized and they just stayed silent. Gimmie a break! ok, so it IS my fault and I don't have a good excuse for it. But still, someone could have said SOMETHING... even if it were "Well well well... Look who finally decided to show up? I think we should all get to test for free now". Of course, I would have complained about that too, but look at the name of this blog thingy. Come on. If you don't want to hear complaints, don't read from this blog. EVER. Its as simple as that.
At least today there are only two sessions instead of 3 so I might get done around 5ish... I didn't get to eat until after 7PM yesterday, but by that time I wasn't hungry anyway. So I went to Target to work up an appetite. In the meantime I got a very exciting phone call which made me happy. Its always nice to hear from certain people. Especially when its after 9 so that your minutes are free. heh heh Target sold some wonderfully SOFT tissues with lotion and cough drops that are just superb. They are helping me get through today a little better. Just thought you might like to know. Welp, thats enough for now.