so ya, and ya.

Cody just had a birthday and it was a lot of fun to watch him smear chocolate frosting all over his face. Well- more disgusting than fun, but still fun none the less. We had a BBQ at my dad's house first since his birthday is the same day as Cody's then we went to Brian's parents' house to have Cake and ice cream with both families since our house is too small. Good times, good times

The last blog was a bit of ranting there and I didn't realize anyone even really read it still so now I kind of feel a little silly for getting angry on an online blog. Plus after I read it again it sounds critical of others. I don't mean to be. Everyone is in different situations for different reasons and we rarely know the whole story. It's easy to pass judgment on others yet frustrating when others do the same to us. Like I said, the people I was referring to don't even know about this blog but the fact that I'm annoyed with other peoples' decision is really just not ok. It's none of my business. Anyone that knew me well before I got married knew about my fear OF marriage. It seemed to me at the time that everyone was doomed to split up and no one tried very hard to stay together anymore. I'm not really sure where the fear of my own divorce stemmed from, seeing as my parents have been together for 32 years now. I just didn't want to get into a committed relationship and put all my heart into loving this other person just to have them turn around and decide I'm no longer good enough for them. When I was engaged I know a few people were really shocked. It used to be that I wouldn't even talk to other people about the idea of marriage simply because it scared me too much. So basically it just makes me sad for these people that I care about since they can't figure out what to do to save their marriages and be happier.
Now I'm married and happier than ever. I still have anxiety attacks now and then but not as much as I used to and I've even been able to stop taking meds for it. My doctor thought it would be something I would need to be medicated for for the rest of my life. It's pretty exciting that I'm un-medicated. Brian and I are doing well. I've learned that when he's stressed and needs to unwind he plays he warcraft game for 6 hours or so and it's nothing personal to me. I don't think. If I'm stressed at the same time as him then I don't really have a lot of options because I'm the one responsible for Cody. So as long as only one of us are stressed at a time, then we are great! :) Otherwise I generally break down. but whatever. It's nothing like it used to be. I'm happy to be in such a great marriage and know that I have a spouse that cares about me as much as I care about him. I wasn't sure if it were possible but it is and I'm so happy for that. I'll guess I'll end on that note.

frustration

I'm having a bad day. I know 4 people who are very close to me whose marriages are going down the crapper. Two of the four are making incredibly poor decisions and it saddens me to watch when I know they are so much smarter than that. One is just immature and is always talking lightly about divorce rather than trying to do something about. And the last one is doing everything in her power to hold on to a marriage that stopped working years ago because her husband is a selfish little SOB that is the most controlling and manipulative person I have ever met.
I don't understand why commitments and promises have turned into meaningless words. Especially sacred covenants. At what point do you say, "God- I don't believe you anymore and I'd rather look cool around these people that don't care about me nearly as much as you or my family so I'm just going to throw in the towell". You decide religion is a farce and don't believe it anymore? Fine. But decide that before you PROMISE to follow simple guidelines with your fiance. Obviously you should get out of a relationship if you are absolutely miserable and things can't be changed. But don't do it for selfish reasons. Its one thing to lose your faith and sabatoge your own future, but then when the choices your making are hurting EVERYONE around you and ruining THEIR chances of future happiness, think about what the hell you are doing and instead of ignoring the fact that there IS a problem that you created and work on fixing it! Everyone is entitled to happiness. Just make sure the things you are doing to make you happy don't hurt others around you. There are things that can be done to have a good time that don't have to be at the expense of others feelings.
One of these people I am talking has no children. She was married in the temple but now she and her husband both have no respect left for their God and little for each other. I'm not totally sure why they are staying together. It makes me sad that she may never have children. They have probably been waiting for her, their mother, to allow them to come to earth, but she cares more about appearance and the approval of others who barely know her.
Rather than worrying about what would be in their spouses best interest, they worry only about themselves. I do realize the husbands are far from perfect and need to work on things as well, but 2 out of the four haven't stopped trying. The difference is they aren't going to resources that will cause permanent emotional damage to the other one and ignoring the biggest problems at hand.
I'm actually quite angry with my husband right now so I thought I'd focus on others' problems for a minute. I'm not sure what I should do differently to get him to WANT to be around me. Things changed between us ever since I got pregnant and when I think they are back to the way it used to be, I am shown again that I was wrong. The people I'm writing about here don't even know about this blog so don't start thinking I'm talking about you. I'm just frustrated and had to get it out before Cody woke up.