I went to the Fair yesterday with my family. My anxiety has been getting worse and worse lately so I try to avoid crowds as much as possible but I really wanted to participate in our annual family Fair trip. We probably should have planned to go on a different day other than the last Saturday it is opened. I think the kids had a blast. Brian and I had fun looking at random stuff. I continually told myself to just breath - except when we were walking through looking at the stinky animals. Speaking of stinky animals, we were walking through the cow section when Brian recognized someone he knew from Gunnison where his parents grew up. I think it might have been Brian's x-girlfriend's brother or something like that to make me dislike him even more. Since he learned we live in West Valley, he asked what we think about the Susan Powell case. Brian told them we knew her and Josh and how sad the whole thing is. I put in my 2 cents. One of the Gunnison guys said something like, so it's easier now then? You know since it's been two years and all.
It's EASIER now? Are you TELLING me it's easier now? I don't know - let's see how you feel when a female friend in your life suddenly vanishes and her kids are left with the most likely murderer and you later find out her own husband probably burned her body and burried it in a shallow grave while the kids watch? Hmm... ya, sure. way easier. Don't even think about the the turmoil her parents are suffering, the brainwashing the kids are taking, or the fact that there is no resolution what so ever! You freaking idiot! Don't tell me it is EASIER now. I have been more upset now than ever with this whole thing and frankly I don't know how to deal with it. I had another melt down today. Can't stop crying. Carley brought me her bunny and her favorite doll that she won't share with ANYone and put it on me. Cody tried to give me a hug. I can usually suppress the feelings of sadness but I then find myself thinking about how much she LOVES her little boys and how terribly upset she must be seeing her psycho husband and pervert dad raise her kids. Her boys were her life. She was the hardest working woman I think I have ever met. She kept her house spotless. She started a garden since her husband complained if she bought vegetables from one store when they were on sale for 3 cents cheaper at another store. I'm not even kidding. She biked to worked since he didn't want to pay for gas. He tried to tell her now to buy makeup or yarn as it was a waste of money. He did everything in his power to control her. He belittled her EVERY time I was there. Spoke to her as if she were a stupid child. Told her if she ever left him he would make her life a living hell.
What a supportive loving husband.
She was trying to listen to a talk from an apostle which was saying something like the worth of women and how a man and woman should be equals and lift each other up. He walked through and said, "What is this crap you're listening to?" When Susan told me about this she said he was joking but clearly he wasn't. I hate him so much and I just don't know how to deal with hate. I don't think I've ever truly hated anyone before.
