beach ball belly

My sisters were over yesterday. They were both shocked at how huge I am. Dawn said, "woah! when did that happen?! You weren't that big last week!" I don't think Erin was ever this big and I still have until July. AH! haha It's ok though the doctor said I was the right size and everything last time. My sisters try to be nice. Erin told me yesterday, "Hey thats a cute pregnant outfit." and last week Dawn said, "Oh, you look nice, for being pregnant." I had to dress up for a Mary Kay event. they could just leave off the 'for being pregnant' part. Thats ok. They mean well and it makes me laugh.

patience

It seems like my pregnancy has flown by. Probably because I don't feel ready for him to come in any way. We don't even have anywhere for him to sleep! There's no room in the bedroom we are using right now, and the other bedroom is torn to pieces. But thats not really what I'm so concerned about. I'm getting worried that I won't have the patience to deal with a baby EVERYDAY. I remember after working at the daycare I'd come home exhausted and enjoy the quiet. You can't "go home" from watching your own baby. I'm afraid I will be selfish without realizing it and not give the baby enough care or attention that he may need. I can handle the fact that my body will never be the same again, but what if I completely let myself go? I have so many things going on in my head I don't know how to sort them so I try to ignore them because nothing can be done about it anyway. I need to realize that I am in control of my life for the most part. My actions and my feelings are determined soley by me. I've never been good at taking on responsibility for anything.

Isn't this picture insane?! That is what is inside me RIGHT NOW! My stomache is getting HUGE. I weigh more now than I ever have in my life. I feel like I should start a serious work out regimend, but then realize I don't feel like it. Plus I'm pregnant. Anyway, the baby could survive if it was born right now. Brian was trying to hear the baby's heartbeat but since he couldn't and the baby wouldn't move for him, he yelled really loud right by my stomach and it scared the baby. It jumped. So I think he actually can hear and the things I read just may have some truth to them. I can't wait until he's born and the birth part is over with. I'm kind of getting scared again, but not as much as I was before. I just don't know what you do all day when you have a baby around. I guess I'll find out. It will be weird to not just give it back to the parents like babysitting.