Here we are waiting for him to come through on the biking part. The kids did surprisingly well.

He's just about to cross the finish line for the bike.

Brian did his first triathelon with a guy he works with. He did great!

GATOR-DADER

After our great adventure camping with the trailer the first time, we decided to do it again. This time it was a lot closer in Wolf Creek where the Allreds camp during the bow hunt every year. We pull in to the entrance of the campgrounds where those weird outdoor bathrooms are and stretch. Carley wakes up and cries. I take her out of her car seat. "Wow, she must be really sweaty from that car seat," I think to myself as I feel her wet back. I look at it and realize her onsie is filled with yellow mush. She had a blowout that went clear up to her shoulders and got all over the carseat. The good news is that the car seat has a little insert part that is optional so we were able to just take that part out and continue to use the carseat without having it smell like poo. Once I realized my baby was covered in her own filth, I started walking towards the trailer to change her and bathe her with wipes. There was an older couple at the restroom area. The woman saw my baby and proceeded towards my little bundle of ooze. As she was walking she had her hand up and ready to pat the baby on the back while asking how old she is. Of course I stopped her hand from making contact with the soaked onsie still attached to my baby, but perhaps it would have been more entertaining to see her face after she touched it and continued to attempt such pleasantness. heh heh.
Baby is clean, we proceed to our actual campsite and park the trailer. It really is quite beautiful. Mountain peaks, wild flowers, and pine trees. I step out and take a deep breath. It smells like.... trees.... but stinky trees. Like the little car airfreshener that looks like a tree had fermented. It was really strange. Luckily it was only in one spot. Once everyone had arrived and were settled, we had a great time. Cody LOVES playing with his cousin. Kim (Brian's sister) and her family came. She has 3 boys and 1 girl 2 months older than Carley. Cody calls her kids his boys. We had sloppy joes for dinner and later had marshmallows in the campfire. Cody declared he was tired so his dad took him into the trailer and got him to sleep. I was shocked. He always makes me put him to bed. It was great - until later. He woke up around 2ish in the morning crying. We were desperately trying to make him shut up before he woke up the baby but it turned into a yell cry. Brian and I got SO mad because then we had two kids screaming and I was starting to have a meltdown since I didn't know what to do. Cody just fell right back to sleep but the baby took FOR EV ER to settle down again and go to sleep. Phew. Peacefulness. sleep. sleeeeeep..... Cody wakes up crying again. This time I pulled Cody in bed with me as Brian and I were both starting to lose our temper and Brian swung the carseat holding Carley back and forth like a swing until she went back to sleep. Brian slept on a different bed and Cody slept fine the rest of the night. I told Brian I was never camping again.
The next day was fine. Brian and I were grumpy from being mad at Cody but we got over it and Cody went off to play in the dirt and pee in his pants. Again. After breakfast and a failed attempt for a nap everyone went fishing except for me and the baby, Kim and her baby, and Sherry. I tried getting baby to sleep for probably an hour but she couldn't seem to fall asleep without her swing. She FINALLY fell asleep but only stayed asleep for about ten minutes. So I took her over to Ed and Sherrys motorhome and watched the rest of Mama Mia with Kim and Sherry. Cody had a lot of fun fishing but didn't want to touch any of the fish. Did I mention he peed his pants again? I almost ran out of clothes for him.
That night went much more smoothly. Cody woke up crying and I just brought him in bed with us. Carley didn't wake up even though he was really loud. This time I slept on the other bed while Cody stayed in my spot in the big bed. The las day was more enjoyable. Brian made sure to keep Cody busy so I could nurse the baby and keep her happy. Well- Brian kept him busy the whole time. so it was good.
Funny story- the boys made a fort off in the woods that they liked to go to. On the last day we were there Brian went to check it out. He saw some water bottles lying around. Brian told them to pick it up and throw it away or something and the kids said, "We pee in those bottles and then dump the pee out around our fort. We're marking it." Brian told them not to do that anymore. The kids are 12, 6, 4- almost 5 and then Cody who is almost 3. I don't think the 12 yr old had anything to do with it. I hope not anyway. Still need to tell their mom about that one. haha.

Welp, we surved another camping trip. Cody LOVED it and was totally covered in dirt everday. We are planning how to work out the next camping trip the end of August for the bow hunt.

PS Cody calls Gatorade gatordader. it's funny.

Camping

I haven't posted for awhile as I haven't had much worth writing about. I could write about the multiple times each day I find poop, pee, and regurgitated breast milk on me, but who wants to hear about that? I suppose I could write about the wicked cool trailer we recently purchased. We went camping last weekend with my parents and it was pretty nice. Mom helped me take care of the kids while Brian and Dad went digging for Topaz. Brian found some pretty big ones. We had to peal his fingers off the shovel so he would drive us back to the trailer so we could eat. After everyone ate and napped Brian and my dad headed back to dig some more. While they were gone, I couldn't get the generator to start so the trailer was like a little oven roasting us inside. Topaz Mountain is a desert. No lakes or water around. Luckily we were camped by one small tree so we would kind of huddle in the shade until we couldn't stand the wind and then get back in the oven until we couldn't stand the heat. 4 hours or so later, Brian and my dad come back. They failed to take the camping chairs out of the truck before they left so we had nowhere to sit outside. On their way back they got a flat tire. All in all, I have little desire to go camping there again. Brian recently bought a book about how to find Topaz or something like that as he plans to go back there often. I think it would have been fun if I could have tried to dig a little myself and didn't stress out about the kids so much, but with the heat and no shade, it wasn't super enjoyable.
On the way home, Brian's eye really started to bother him. We had to stop about 3 times because it was hurting so much and he was trying to drive with blurry vision while pulling the trailer. He had more faith in his hurt, blind eye than he did in me or my dad attempting to pull the trailer. Can't say I blame him. He went to the insta-care that night and they were useless. $40 for someone to say, "You MAY have pink eye but you may not. He is a prescription for some antiiotics to drop in your eye." Idiot fake doctors. He went to a real eye doctor yesterday and they told him he has Iritis. I think it's where the middle part of your eye swells and it's really painful as your eye tries to focus and adjust to light. They gave him some kind of white eye drops to treat it and it is supposed to go away soon. Next time we go camping I would like to go to a closer wooded area so I can sit in the shade and relax. I'm still excited about the trailer since it beats tent camping any day.

NAMES

Here are some names I like.  It doesn’t mean Brian agrees with them but it’s such a short list we’ve really got to pick a name for this kid.

BOYS:

Jacob

Darren

Scott

 

GIRLS:

Lilly

Lillian – Brian doesn’t like it though, reminds him of the girl on Fraiser that Niles divorced.

Carley

Ellie

Ella

Olivia

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Some suggestions from our Primary class (7 & 8 yr olds) were Gordan, Sarah, Tornado, Randall, and I can’t remember the rest.  Good names and all, but I’m thinking not for this one.  Maybe for the next one.

A whole lot about a whole little.

I have been feeling much better lately. Mood wise, that is. Physically I feel like crap, but I will discontinue being a host for this thing in my body in less than a month so that will be good. Then I'll know the true meaning of 'feeling like crap' with the lack of sleep, sore boobs from having the thing in me now OUT of me still sucking the life from me, and the healing stitches in places that should never have scissors used on it. Hm.. So much for that good mood...
Today has been good since I have actually been productive. I change the sheets on my bed, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry, played with Cody, made lunch, and now Cody is actually taking a nap. I think he is going through a growth spurt. He has been sleeping through the night for about a week straight now AND taking naps! It's so great. I'm actually getting excited to meet this baby and find out the gender. I have bought one girl outfit just in case it's a girl and I need to go through Cody's newborn size bin of clothes to pick out some cute things in case it's a boy. I think I'd better buy another girl outfit or 2 though. I won't feel much like shopping afterwards.
Yesterday Brian and I went to get a carseat at USA Baby but certain days of the week they close at 5:30PM and certain days they close at 8:00PM. Unfortunately we went on a day they closed at 5:30 and got there at 5:34PM. Brian was furious they close at such a ridiculously early time. If they didn't have such a big selection we would have gone somewhere else, but I want one of the snugride Graco ones they have. We are going back tomorrow. Tonight is kereoke for the combined YM/YW. That will be fun to watch. I'd better not try to sing. Last time I tried singing to Cody to try to get him to calm down when he wasn't sleepy (and should have been sleepy) he said "No Mom!" and held his little hand up to my face. When I didn't stop he said it again but this time shaking his hand and head while saying "NO MOM!" When I continued singing he just plugged his ears. I think I should try out for American Idol. Speaking of American Idol, Cody is quite the little singer himself. When we're in the car and the radio is on, he'll add a "YAAaaa" to the end of any song and make his voice try to go wavy. I love it. Or he'll repeat the last word of the song. I'd better be careful with what I listen to.
Freaking cats. I just chased a cat out of the driveway. There are about 6 cats that practically live in our yard. They are in heat right now and SO loud. They wake me up in the middle of the night. It's gross. I can't even let Cody play in the back yard because there is cat poop about every 2 feet.
What was I talking about? Oh well. Doesn't matter. I should get dinner ready if I plan on getting it in the slow cooker and cooking before it's ACTUALLY dinner time, seeing as it will take 3 to 4 hours to cook and it's already 2:00pm. Wish me luck with this chicken and dumplings that I have never tried making before!

So I haven't posted for awhile because all I can ever really think about lately is Susan. She's been missing for almost a month now and I was making myself sick reading every single article ever written about the situation. Then I found myself reading the comments that strangers would leave underneath the article about what THEY think happened, or should happen. Most people have been sensitive about the way they ask how the search is going and such, but others have made me furious with talking about how she's dead buried in the snow somewhere by now and her murderous husband needs to just admit what he's done so the family can move on. It's not as though I haven't thought every possible thing about what has happened, but I still don't need someone to say it out loud. To my face. Just so I can fight once again to hold back the crying. It's all just so strange. I find myself feeling guilty that I wasn't a better friend. We had a lot of differences and disagreed on a number of things so I didn't try very hard to be as close to her as I was when I was her visiting teacher. Her disappearance has made me want to never speak poorly of anyone else again. What if that is the only way someone else will know of them? Through my negative comments about them? A detective came over to talk to me about my relationship with her and what I thought about their marital issues and so on. As soon as he left I got a call from the news. I was trying so hard to stay vague and not give any information, as the police are trying to keep everything as quiet as possible, though I'm not sure why. I don't do well under pressure and the next day I read a whole bunch of my own quotes in an article. It made me sick like I did something wrong. I did NOT, however, give any media source information about the e-mails she had sent out to myself and others about Josh when she was having a hard time deciding what to do with Josh. I'm more than annoyed with whoever freely gave out that information, mostly because I don't think Susan would appreciate it being made public. Since that article, I have stopped reading and watching the clips about Susan because for one, there is no new information, and two- I was letting my house fall apart and my emotions get the best of me. I couldn't help crying so many times and Cody has brought me tissue and kissed my knee or whatever he can reach and look up at me with his sweet big eyes and say, "Better?" I love him so much.
I can't believe I will be having another baby in about 10 weeks here. I am getting more and more uncomfortable and this baby seems to be trying to make its own way out through the side of my belly. My back aches and other unmentionable areas ache even more. I want to eat everything in sight and I find myself in a bad mood more and more. It might have something to do with the weather too. I don't want to leave the house much but I can't keep he house clean so it makes me claustrophobic. What is it about complaining that makes me feel somewhat better? Maybe it's the 'misery loves company' of sorts. Oh- we didn't get that lot in Heber. I was really really looking forward to moving. So that was kind of a downer. I don't want to go to church because I don't want to be around anyone else who knows Susan. I thought it would be great to move and stick my head in the sand and pretend everything has just been a horrible dream since I can't do anything to help anyway. My father-in-law has no confidence in the WVC police, seeing as they couldn't even track a license plate from a car that stole a part off his boat.

Wow this post really sucks. That's why I haven't posted anything for so long. I knew it would just be grumpy.

kids meal toys are deadly

We went to Heber yesterday to look at the lots that are for sale. The owners own 12 but are selling 2 for 60,000 a piece to get out of some debt and sitting on the rest until the economy comes back. We could see our friend's house from the lot we were at that was in the same singles ward as us. In fact, he is the one who helped Brian to ask me out on our first date. :) We hung out with them while we were out there yesterday and had a good time visiting. It would be pretty cool to move somewhere and already have a friend. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. The property is already contracted out to someone else, but the owner thinks it will fall through so the real estate agent was just trying to find some back up buyers "just in case".
While we were there we went to Dairy Keen or whatever it's called where the train goes around the ceiling. Cody thought it was pretty cool. The toy that came in his happy meal was a bobble-head dog. He dropped it on the ground and it broke. I think it was made of porcelain. Kinda weird if you ask me, but maybe these small towns haven't discovered ALL the uses of plastic. Or maybe they were hoping the kids with intentionally break them for the sharp edges and have fights to try to widdle down the population, or at least keep it down. hm, I think it's time for me to stop writing now. I hope we get that land!

Heber

Brian has talked a lot about moving to Heber 'someday'. I thought that would be fine since we wouldn't really have to think about it for another 10 years or so. Last night he was looking at property and found 2 lots for super cheap. Then he started talking about how cheap material is right now to build a house and that he could build one in 6 months. He was naming the guys that could do the electrical, plumbing, etc. He looked up our finances and things that show what we spend our money on to see if we would have to change much. Anyway, the thought of moving to another city with a 2 yr old and a newborn freaks me out. A lot. It would take an hour to get to my mom's house. We have a hard enough time seeing each other being only 10 minutes away as it is. Anyhow, I guess we need to do some prayin to figure this out. The property may be sold by the time we make a decision anyway. We were thinking about driving by it this weekend. Wish us luck in figuring out our future!

New Post

I've been sitting here reading others' blogs while Cody stuffs his face with noodles and thought to myself, Maybe I should post something. But I have no idea what. I have been so happy lately. I have everything I've always ever wanted. It's really weird. With Thanksgiving coming up and all I've been thinking about what I'm thankful for. I have a great relationship with my parents, My inlaws, and most importantly my husband. We have the most awesome little boy that hasn't been sick for awhile. We have another one on the way, even if it's a little sooner than scheduled. You know how it goes when you actually try to plan your life though. Heavenly Father has a way of changing things so that you can learn something greater than what you could have gained otherwise. As long as I don't dwell on the things I am afraid of, like where this government is headed and if I just hurt my kids even more by having us all get the swine flu shot, then I'm generally ok. The anxiety stuff that I've always struggled with seems to be getting a little harder lately, but I am continuously working on controlling my thoughts and desperately trying not to let them get carried away.

So anyway, I know this is a boring one, but I don't really have a lot to write. Things are going great. We might move to Heber someday. Brian is working is bahooky off to build our savings account. We'll see where life will take us. I'm excited for it for the most part!

mood swings

I'm not totally sure why I go off on those tangents like that. Sometimes I think I'm bi-polar. One day I'll wake up with a knot in my stomach and feel like the air is pressing down on me and like I am the most useless worthless person that ever lived, and then a few days later I'll feel perky and happy with hardly a care in the world. When I read back on my old journal entries or even these blogs I realize I sound over-dramatic but the feelings are real. I've been un-medicated since a few months before Cody was born and I've handled my anxiety surprisingly well but sometimes I wonder if I should try it again. I hate the thought of being on meds the rest of my life because it makes me feel like I'm weak and can't handle life as well as everyone else, but someone explained to me like having a broken bone. Except instead of getting a cast to help heal your bone, you get meds to help the brain release the right kinds of chemicals. Even though it seems logical at times, I can't help feeling less than others while medicated.
Anyway, today is a lot better. I feel happy and feel like I am getting things done. Poor Cody keeps getting more and more sick. His cough sounds terrible. I'm just hoping it won't turn into croup again.
Well- I guess I just wanted to say that I realize how over-dramatic and teenage-ish I sound when I complain the way I do in my previous blogs, but it helps me sort things out. :)

just more complaing. bla

This whole blogging thing just isn't working out so well for me anymore. I used to spill my guts about things on here and get some good feedback but now that so many of the feeling involve my husband, I don't feel like it's ok to talk about publicly.
There was one part of my life where I was SO incredibly happy, I find myself continually trying to get back to that. It was from the time I was engaged until the time I was pregnant. Then everything changed. Then I was reminded again and again that I am still a failure and that just because I had such a great marriage at first, things change and I was wrong to think I could stay on cloud 9. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life that I love. I love my husband and I love my little boy. I am SO happy I get to stay home with him and take care of him myself. I just find myself growing resentful when I see my husband come home from a successful day at work where he is important and can get so much accomplished and I'm here with a messy house that I had tried desperately to clean but could never seem to finish and a baby that's really not a little baby anymore but still needs lots of attention and care. I just wish I could have a break sometimes. I guess I get jealous that I can't stamp my time card and just relax without having a knot in my stomache thinking about all the things I SHOULD be doing rather than relaxing. I wish I could take a break. Let him take care of Cody the rest of the night while I ignore both of them and play on the computer or watch TV. Now I feel like I am painting a bad picture of my husband. He is a great guy and usually helps if I ask, I just get tired of asking. I hate going to bed and thinking of all the things I didn't get done and then waking up and seeing what I still need to do and I still have no idea how to get it done. I thought I would not feel like such a failure once I got out of school, but now at times it's a lot worse. I don't really know what to do differently, if there is anything to be done at all.

Dolls

The other day Cody was trying to get to my old cabbage patch kid doll I had in a box that I had gotten out for a little girl I was babysitting a while ago. I showed him the doll and he kissed her. Then I set Cody and the doll on Cody's little couch and went in the kitchen. I looked back in to check on him and he was giving the doll a big hug and smiling his big cheesy smile. It was so cute! I know boys aren't supposed to play with dolls but I don't think it means they will turn out gay for learning affectionate behavior and how to play soft and not be destruction ALL the time. I think it's just as important for boys to learn how to be caring as it is for girls. Ok, maybe a little more for girls, but when they're this little I don't think it matters all that much what kind of toys either gender plays with. Brian saw Cody hugging the doll and while he was annoyed that I let him play with a doll, he couldn't help but smile.

mm mm good

Cody just keeps getting more and more fun. He was drinking from his sippy cup the other day and he slams it down and does an exaggerated sigh. It made me laugh pretty hard so he did it again. I told Brian about it and he thought it was great. Apparently Brian was doing that with his own drink and obviously Cody was watching and picked it up. He has also started saying, "num NUM num!" and I thinks it's because we always say "yum yum yum!" He noticed my stomach yesterday when he pulled my shirt up a little to see it. I slapped it a couple times as it's bigger than it was pre-Cody so he decided to slap it. He'd crawl away then come back, lift my shirt, and slap my stomach a few times while looking at my face to see if I would laugh. I hope he does that to Brian when he gets back from hunting. It's fun to see him learn new things and grow stronger, even though he doesn't even stand alone yet. That's ok. He was a late crawler too. Cody, not Brian. I just noticed my arms are really hairy. maybe I should shave or nair them or something...

Kim and Justin Ford

There's been a lot going on with the Allred family. Kim's husband lost all the feeling in his legs and has been in the hospital for about 10 days now. It's been pretty scary. They didn't know what it was until about 2 days ago they decided it was this virus that attacks the cells in the spinal cord. It has been really hard on the family but they are staying positive. Kim usually watches her sisters kids during the week but with her husband in the hospital, she hasn't even been home since this happened. She's been sleeping in the hospital so her husband isn't alone and has been sending her own kids to various family members. I took her sisters twins last week and they are coming again this week. They just turned 8 yesterday. They are good kids and Cody loves having them around. It's been keeping me busy while Brian is away on the bow hunt. He hit a 3 point last night and decided to finish tracking it this morning. At least this way he won't be going on the rifle hunt or the muzzle loader hunt. Just one more hunt with his boss in Wyoming or something. They are allowed to hunt bears and other scary animals. I don't want him to go on that one! Maybe if it were with a rifle I'd feel a tiny bit better, but a bow and arrow? oh well. He's really excited about it.
Hm. Kinda went off track there. So anyway, if you could pray for Brian's sister Kim and her husband Justin it would be much appreciated. The good news is that he should most likely walk again. Someday. It could take 6 months to 2 years to be able to, so basically they don't have a lot of answers. Well there's an update for ya.

so ya, and ya.

Cody just had a birthday and it was a lot of fun to watch him smear chocolate frosting all over his face. Well- more disgusting than fun, but still fun none the less. We had a BBQ at my dad's house first since his birthday is the same day as Cody's then we went to Brian's parents' house to have Cake and ice cream with both families since our house is too small. Good times, good times

The last blog was a bit of ranting there and I didn't realize anyone even really read it still so now I kind of feel a little silly for getting angry on an online blog. Plus after I read it again it sounds critical of others. I don't mean to be. Everyone is in different situations for different reasons and we rarely know the whole story. It's easy to pass judgment on others yet frustrating when others do the same to us. Like I said, the people I was referring to don't even know about this blog but the fact that I'm annoyed with other peoples' decision is really just not ok. It's none of my business. Anyone that knew me well before I got married knew about my fear OF marriage. It seemed to me at the time that everyone was doomed to split up and no one tried very hard to stay together anymore. I'm not really sure where the fear of my own divorce stemmed from, seeing as my parents have been together for 32 years now. I just didn't want to get into a committed relationship and put all my heart into loving this other person just to have them turn around and decide I'm no longer good enough for them. When I was engaged I know a few people were really shocked. It used to be that I wouldn't even talk to other people about the idea of marriage simply because it scared me too much. So basically it just makes me sad for these people that I care about since they can't figure out what to do to save their marriages and be happier.
Now I'm married and happier than ever. I still have anxiety attacks now and then but not as much as I used to and I've even been able to stop taking meds for it. My doctor thought it would be something I would need to be medicated for for the rest of my life. It's pretty exciting that I'm un-medicated. Brian and I are doing well. I've learned that when he's stressed and needs to unwind he plays he warcraft game for 6 hours or so and it's nothing personal to me. I don't think. If I'm stressed at the same time as him then I don't really have a lot of options because I'm the one responsible for Cody. So as long as only one of us are stressed at a time, then we are great! :) Otherwise I generally break down. but whatever. It's nothing like it used to be. I'm happy to be in such a great marriage and know that I have a spouse that cares about me as much as I care about him. I wasn't sure if it were possible but it is and I'm so happy for that. I'll guess I'll end on that note.

frustration

I'm having a bad day. I know 4 people who are very close to me whose marriages are going down the crapper. Two of the four are making incredibly poor decisions and it saddens me to watch when I know they are so much smarter than that. One is just immature and is always talking lightly about divorce rather than trying to do something about. And the last one is doing everything in her power to hold on to a marriage that stopped working years ago because her husband is a selfish little SOB that is the most controlling and manipulative person I have ever met.
I don't understand why commitments and promises have turned into meaningless words. Especially sacred covenants. At what point do you say, "God- I don't believe you anymore and I'd rather look cool around these people that don't care about me nearly as much as you or my family so I'm just going to throw in the towell". You decide religion is a farce and don't believe it anymore? Fine. But decide that before you PROMISE to follow simple guidelines with your fiance. Obviously you should get out of a relationship if you are absolutely miserable and things can't be changed. But don't do it for selfish reasons. Its one thing to lose your faith and sabatoge your own future, but then when the choices your making are hurting EVERYONE around you and ruining THEIR chances of future happiness, think about what the hell you are doing and instead of ignoring the fact that there IS a problem that you created and work on fixing it! Everyone is entitled to happiness. Just make sure the things you are doing to make you happy don't hurt others around you. There are things that can be done to have a good time that don't have to be at the expense of others feelings.
One of these people I am talking has no children. She was married in the temple but now she and her husband both have no respect left for their God and little for each other. I'm not totally sure why they are staying together. It makes me sad that she may never have children. They have probably been waiting for her, their mother, to allow them to come to earth, but she cares more about appearance and the approval of others who barely know her.
Rather than worrying about what would be in their spouses best interest, they worry only about themselves. I do realize the husbands are far from perfect and need to work on things as well, but 2 out of the four haven't stopped trying. The difference is they aren't going to resources that will cause permanent emotional damage to the other one and ignoring the biggest problems at hand.
I'm actually quite angry with my husband right now so I thought I'd focus on others' problems for a minute. I'm not sure what I should do differently to get him to WANT to be around me. Things changed between us ever since I got pregnant and when I think they are back to the way it used to be, I am shown again that I was wrong. The people I'm writing about here don't even know about this blog so don't start thinking I'm talking about you. I'm just frustrated and had to get it out before Cody woke up.

School is Cool

I've been thinking a lot about going to back to school. I started to fill out a FAFSA. I pretty much always knew I could never graduate so I think thats why I had a hard time at Dixie. I couldn't bring myself to work hard towards something that could never happen. But now I have been thinking too much again. I am SO fortunate to me a mother and be happily married and be able to stay home with my son, but I can't help but wonder if this is it? I have always always wanted to be a psychologist but I knew there was too much school involved and that I was too stupid to make it through. So while some things never change, the one thing that has is the fact that I would like to learn more, even if I can't get a degree. Even when I was little I remember sitting in front of my house in FL and two of my friends came over because they were arguing about their plastic stick on ear-rings and so I helped them solve their problem. Sounds silly, but I've always wanted to help people sort out crap that's going on in their heads. Then as I got older, friends would come to me with more serious problems and I SO wanted to help them, but I didn't have any extra knowledge then they had except that I was OUTside their heads which makes a difference. Does that even make sense? Maybe part of it is because I really thought I was crazy for a time. I won't go into details, but the more I learned about the brain and personalities (disordered or otherwise) the more I wanted to keep learning. It helped me be a little more ok with myself. So while I may never become a psychologist or even a counselor for that matter, I would like to learn the tools that could help people work out issues that they can't seem to work on themselves, and not THREATEN to send them to an institution if they don't change their behavior (as one of my counselors did to me). If you are a girl or have girls, can I just recommend that you read Reviving Ophelia?

I feel like I've been fairly productive lately. It's been nice. I think part of that has to do with the fact that Cody is sleeping so much more. He must be growing. He has his two bottom teeth and the two top ones are starting to push through. It can't feel good, but he's a trooper. Brian thinks the top 4 front teeth are actually coming through too. That could contribute to his sleepiness. Maybe.
Brian has been buying more fish. He had a lone Angel fish for the past year and a half that we were sure would die since all of its tank mates died. It never did. It just lost all its fins and looks gross. So Brian decided to add more fish. He added 2 more angels, 4 neon tetras, two sucker fish and 2 sword tail fish. They are pretty cool, even though I don't like fish. One of the neons must have been eaten by the giant finless Angelfish because there are now 3. The swordtail fish was pregnant so he put her in another tank until it had babies then put her back in the community tank. Now we have a tank of 10 baby swordtails. they're kinda cool.
So ANYway, the room with all the fish had boxes and boxes of my stuff piled in it because I didn't know what to do with it. A lot if it is stuff from when I was little and old files. I have been sorting through all if it so Brian can claim the fish room as his MAN room since I have the next bedroom over filled with Mary Kay stuff. It's been fun looking through old assignments and toys and getting all the garbage out that I thought was worth keeping at one point. This blog kinda sucks. welp, Cody's awake so I have to go anyway.

exercise

Exercise almost seems like a dirty word. I used to enjoy being active and such. Now it just takes too much effort. I went to the gym today and the stair climber got boring within the first 5 minutes. Only 25 minutes to go! That seemed like an eternity. Then as I was trying to melt off part of a love handle I hear my name blasted over the intercom to report to the kid place. I go in and Cody is BAWLING. The lady was like, "Ya, I think he has a wet diaper." Uh, ya. That's what causes my kid to get hysterical. He cried the whole time I changed him in the bathroom, the whole way home, and didn't stop until I had a bottle made and popped in his mouth. At least he fell asleep for his afternoon nap quickly, right? Can't wait to try again tomorrow. And Yes, I AM going to finish off the reeses peanut butter cups I bought. Screw this healthy crap! Ok, not really. I only have myself (and Cody, which is partially Brian's fault too) to blame for the gut that has been coming back.